On many occasions clients come to me in the midst of a crisis – their spouse has found out about their pornography addiction and they’ve been given an ultimatum – it’s porn or me. Some guys (and gals) can’t see what an easy decision this is.
Through consistent use of pornography, or even sexual addiction and the thoughts of conquest of the woman with the big breasts or the good looking guy at the bar, pornography and sex addicts learn to objectify members of the opposite sex. Objectification is when you no longer see the person for anything more than something to be “had” or “conquered”. If you’ve ever seen a woman at the grocery store or at work, then fantasized about her later when masturbating, this is objectifying her. If you’ve slept with someone and had little or no meaningful conversation – it was just about sex – you’ve objectified them.
Most people want meaningful relationships. They truly want more than just sex. If you’re addicted to pornography or sex, take some time and look deep within yourself. What my clients find, and what you’ll find is that you want more than just sex – you want a friend, a partner, someone who “has your back”, you want a relationship that is safe and honest. None of these come from a quick hit sexual act. And the use of pornography and secrets in your relationship, even if you’re married, prevent you from being open and honest with your spouse.
Objectifying the opposite sex is a learned behavior for pornography and sex addicts and, in many ways, it feeds your addiction. When you begin to see others as human beings – not sexual objects – you begin to break the cycle of addiction and move towards more incredible relationships – and better sex!