Sex and Pornography Addiction and Original Wound

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Sex and Pornography Addiction and Original Wound

The men I see who are battling sex or pornography addiction tend to have several experiences or characteristics in common.  Not everyone has all of these, but most do.  These experiences are often deeply rooted in who the person believes themselves to be, even though they may not recognize the trait/characteristic/experience as being significant.

One of these characteristics is “original wound.”  With most of my clients, men and women alike, who struggle with sex and pornography addiction, there is, in their past, an original wound. It may not be sexual (although it may) but there is almost always a source of pain that they have not dealt with or not dealt with fully.

For some it has to do with abandonment. For some reason (maybe coincidence) this has come up often recently. A divorce that happened when a client was 5 years old and a mom or dad just disappeared from their life without any discussion. A death or a parent that went unspoken or left the (then) child without answers or understanding. Physical abuse that the (then) child couldn’t rationalize. Sexual abuse or exposure that felt good on some level, but at some other, more conscious level felt wrong.

These are just some of the original wounds clients have brought into therapy for sex or pornography addiction. Without addressing these wounds – without understanding the lasting scars or impacts that original wounds have on us, it is difficult, if not impossible to break the addictive cycle.

Some clients have claimed “addictive personalities.”  I understand what they’re really saying – “I have pain that I cannot or do not understand (original wound) and I use my addictions to avoid looking at the hard stuff.”  Of course they don’t actually “say” that, but it tends to be what we find.

Once original wound is addressed, “addictive personalities” change.

About the Author:

Dan Gabbert holds a Masters of Science in Counseling Psychology from Avila University in Kansas City, MO. Dan is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and a Certified Sex Addictions Therapist (CSAT), a rigorous certification issued by The International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP).